When the Holidays Don’t Feel Merry: Understanding and Easing Holiday Stress
- Mae Winters
- Dec 16, 2025
- 5 min read
Updated: Dec 26, 2025
Picture this: You’re standing in a checkout line that snakes halfway down the aisle. Your phone is buzzing with group texts about who’s bringing what dish, the holiday cards you meant to send are sitting unsent on your kitchen counter, and in the back of your mind, you’re replaying a conversation with a family member that left you feeling misunderstood— Again. Everyone around you seems cheerful and energized. Meanwhile, you’re holding your breath without realizing it and wondering, Why does this season feel like so much?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. For many people, the holidays trigger a mix of stress, guilt, overstimulation, emotional exhaustion, and pressure to “feel happy” even when life feels anything but simple. And the hardest part? Most people keep these feelings private, believing they’re the only ones struggling.
But you’re not the only one. And you’re not doing anything wrong. Holiday stress is real, it’s common, and it deserves compassion— Not judgment.
A Story We Don’t Usually Tell Out Loud
Last year, a client—we’ll call her Emily—arrived to session in early December and sat quietly for a moment before saying, “Everyone keeps telling me this is the best time of year, but honestly… I feel like I’m drowning.” She described the mental tug-of-war she felt: wanting to create magical memories for her kids, keep peace with extended family, manage her workload, maintain a budget, and still show up as a patient partner. “It’s like no matter what I do, I’m letting someone down,” she whispered.
But it wasn’t just the logistics wearing her down. It was the pressure to pretend.
And just when she began to open up about the one moment that pushed her over the edge—the moment she had never shared with anyone—she paused, shook her head, and said, “Actually… I don’t know if I’ve ever said this out loud.”
What she revealed next changed the entire way she approached the holiday season…
But we’ll come back to her story in a moment.
Why the Holidays Are So Emotionally Intense
Despite what commercials and social media feeds suggest, the holiday season tends to magnify everything you’re already carrying. It amplifies joy—but it also amplifies stress, grief, loneliness, pressure, financial worry, and unresolved family tension.
Here’s why:
1. The “Happy Holidays” Illusion
People often assume that others are happier than they truly are. Online, the season looks effortless. Matching pajamas. Perfectly curated gatherings. Families laughing. No one shows the mess, the burnout, or the moments when someone cries in the bathroom at a holiday party because the pressure finally cracked open.
You see everyone else’s highlights and your own backstage reality—and it creates emotional dissonance.
2. Old Family Patterns Resurface
Even if you’ve worked hard on your communication, boundaries, and emotional growth…one trip home can make you feel twelve years old again.
Family dynamics are powerful. The holidays can reignite old wounds, relational patterns, or unresolved tension in seconds.
3. The Mental Load Skyrockets
Whether you’re a parent, a partner, a caregiver, or the “emotionally responsible one” in your family, your emotional labor multiplies this time of year.
You might be:
Managing gifts
Coordinating travel
Keeping the peace
Organizing events
Remembering everyone’s preferences
Carrying the emotional temperature of the room
It’s invisible work—but it drains your bandwidth quickly.
4. Financial and Emotional Expectations Multiply
Even if you’re mindful about spending, the pressure to make the holidays “special” can activate anxiety or guilt. And for many people, this season also stirs grief about what’s missing—people, relationships, stability, health, or time.
Your Nervous System During the Holidays
Holiday stress isn’t “in your head.”
Your body genuinely shifts into a heightened state during this season.
Common physical reactions include:
Racing thoughts
Restlessness or trouble sleeping
Feeling on edge or overstimulated
Tension headaches
Irritability
Digestive issues
Emotional waves that feel unpredictable
Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do: Respond to overwhelm, busyness, unpredictability, and emotional triggers. You’re not weak. You’re human.
How to Ground Yourself When the Season Feels Heavy
Here are gentle, effective strategies that help real people navigate holiday stress more sustainably:
1. Practice the 10% Rule
Ask yourself: What is one tiny change that would make this season 10% easier?
It could be:
Not attending one optional event
Letting go of homemade gifts and buying simple ones instead
Setting a spending limit
Delegating one task
You don’t have to overhaul the holidays— Just shift the pressure slightly.
2. Name the Emotion
Your brain calms when your emotion is acknowledged.
Try:
“This is overwhelm.”
“This is pressure.”
“This is grief showing up today.”
Naming it reduces the intensity and helps your nervous system settle.
3. Define Your Real Priorities
Instead of assuming every tradition must be kept, ask:
What actually matters to me?
What matters to my partner or my kids?
What traditions am I keeping out of guilt rather than desire?
You’re allowed to re-write what the holidays look like.
4. Set Micro-Boundaries
Not all boundaries are big, dramatic statements. Most are subtle, quiet, protective choices:
Leaving early
Scheduling downtime
Notifying others you’re unavailable during certain hours
Saying “I can’t take this on right now”
Boundaries aren’t about conflict—they’re about care.
And Emily?
Remember Emily from earlier?
The moment she had never said out loud was this:
“I don’t think I’ve enjoyed the holidays in years… and I feel guilty about it every single time.”
That was her breaking point—not the planning, not the packing, not the endless expectations.
It was the guilt for not loving the season the way she thought she was supposed to.
That single truth shifted everything.
When she stopped pretending and started being honest—with herself first—she discovered she could finally breathe again. She let go of a few traditions, asked her partner for help, set boundaries around travel, and redefined what “a good holiday” meant.
Her holidays didn’t become perfect.
But they became hers.
And that made all the difference.
If the Holidays Feel Heavy, You Deserve Support
You don’t need to push through, pretend, or “just be grateful.”
You deserve a season that feels grounded, intentional, and emotionally manageable.
Therapy can help you:
Understand your emotional patterns
Reduce overwhelm and anxiety
Navigate complicated family dynamics
Set boundaries that protect your well-being
Release guilt and unrealistic expectations
Build new traditions that feel meaningful
You’re not meant to carry all of this alone.
If this season feels heavy, I’d love to support you.
I’m Mae Winters, LPC, licensed in Virginia, Maine, Connecticut, and Vermont.
I help individuals and couples navigate stress, anxiety, relationship tension, emotional burnout, and major life transitions — Especially during challenging seasons like this one.
I’m accepting new clients.
You deserve a holiday season that doesn’t break you—but supports you. Let’s make that possible together.
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